2024 Cannonball Context Awards Explained

Stop, prop & roll, you resourceful fucker. You mastered the use of the props you had to change our view of what’s even possible in Cannonball Land. 

You delivered your lines perfectly. There was an entire story arch that kept us captivated at each stage. Bravo to you for taking us on such an epic adventure!

You had us on the edges of our seats. We were so enthralled by your every move that you nearly brought us to tears. Thank you for gifting us with your existence. 

I lost track of where I was. Was it the mushrooms? We’ll never know. But I was immersed in the world you brought us into. 

Forest Gump? Not even close. The soundtrack to your life is amazing and you let us be a part of it. We are forever grateful. 

Biggest splash on one cannonball.

You never gave up. You pulled yourself up out of the deep end when things didn’t go your way, you put a smile on your face and you’re trudged on without complaining. You exemplify the best in all of us. 

Most collective laughs across the whole contest.

Best form on a complex, unique or challenging cannonball. 

Biggest belly flop on one dive. 

This is an award for being able to withstand the most regular pain. Consistent commitment to bellyflop across the entire competition.

You invented something amazing. You named it perfectly. You executed it with grace and humility and everyone in attendance was in awe of how beautiful your mind is when applied to cannonball innovation. 

Not only did you stick the joke, you repeated it, over and over. It was funny, then annoying, then you brought it around at least one more time to have people internally acknowledge your persistence while they chuckled at your genius. 

This award is for the contestant with the most swagger, confidence, style. You're hot. You're cool. You're on point.

One of the biggest splash on one cannonball combined with a second admirable original cannonball. 

The splash you created seems to defy the laws of physics and fluid dynamics. And most of the people standing here studied both things. Equations are spinning through our heads trying to understand how such a small package could possibly have produced such a huge splash. 

Wow. Just wow. 👏👏👏

Holy crap. That sounded painful. You’ve broken through a dB level that made everyone who wasn’t paying full attention turn around and think, “I hope they are ok”. A sound that has everyone expecting your head to rise above the pool waterline aligned with a howling sound representing the pain you are in. 

You pushed yourself to the limit to do something amazing… but something happened in the middle and it didn’t go to plan. This award goes to the cannonball warrior who limped out of the pool with their head held high. You put your heart into it and probably pulled a muscle that requires a doctor's appointment next week. 

Your cannonball attempt required a level of flexibility and ingenuity that is unparalleled. You saw the chance to exhibit how your skills on the mat translated to splashes that are phat… and you caused a hush to fall across the crowd as they hung in awe of your magnetic nature…. Before the crowd went wild!

You made us laugh, you made us cry… but the underlying theme was that we were hanging on your every move, every joke, every splash. 

Damn. It might not have been the most difficult, but it was certainly the coolest trick seen this year. Just like Shawn White, you pulled a rabbit out of your butt and amazed us all. How did you do it? We may never know… 

Just like in gymnastics, there is a difficulty level on each attempt. You pushed it to the quotient limit, and you nailed the landing. 

You partnered up and performed a coordinated splash event. It was something that was not possible to be achieved by a solo baller, and because of that we commend your collaborative spirit! Collaboration may not be in your base nature, but you saw the chance to become part of something greater than the sum of your parts… and you accepted the challenge. 

Performing in front of new people is hard. You stepped forward in front of all these judgy faces looking to belly laugh and you represented yourself, your family, and your school with pride. 

This seems destined to be an honorary award. But I think this is self-explanatory. 

All day long in the sun is bad for you. Wear sunscreen. Hopefully nobody wins this. 

You run against the grain. You go left when society goes right. And you flaunted the tightest Speedo perfectly to show everyone how confident you were in your curves. 

Award for the diver who talks the most trash over the entire competition.